If you or someone you know were described as a cabbage roll, how would you react? What if someone called you a hyena or said you were especially “creamy”?
There are apparently 10 distinct categories into which men fall in Japan, with women knowing exactly the type they’d like to get to know better or avoid altogether. Read on to find out whether you’re a Soy Milk, Bacon Asparagus, Creamy, or Cabbage kind of guy, or to learn how to apply these unusual tags to the men you meet in Japan.
Presented by Ilaria, the Italian curator of YouTube channel It’s All Manga’s Fault and long-time resident of Japan, the following list describes 10 different types of men as viewed from a romantic perspective. As Ilaria mentions, these personalty types are not her own creations, but rather those described online by Japanese women.
1. The Carnivorous Man
You might not think it to look at the guy in the video, but the men considered “macho” in Japan are often the same guys who spend a lot of time on their looks and buy expensive designer clothes and accessories. These nikushoku men are the kind of guys who actively hunt for women when out on the town and hone in on their “prey” with tried and tested move sets. They’re also, apparently, prone to cheating, so beware if you give in to that well-sculpted tuft of facial hair and wry smile.
2. The Herbivorous Man
Known in Japanese as “soshoku otoko” (literally plant-eating men), these are the polar opposites of the abovementioned Carnivorous Man. Whether or not they make good boyfriends, of course, comes down to personal preference, but if you’re interested in a guy who could be described as a herbivorous man then be sure to make the first move yourself or else you may be old enough to rock one of these epic walking sticks before he works up the courage to ask you out.
3. Bacon and Asparagus Roll Man
“Asupara behkon maki kei otoko” (asparagus bacon roll type men) are exactly what they sound like: meat on the outside, all veggie in the middle. They may well come on to girls as if they have all the confidence in the world and try to emulate the typical meat-eater look, but get to know them and you’ll find that they’re actually all soft and squidgy on the inside, or “all mouth and no trousers” as we say in my fair homeland. While some may think this a good thing, and will at least mean that they can skip all the awkward procrastination involved with dating a Herbivorous Man, others will find Bacon Asparagus Men’s macho posturing annoying or borderline pathetic.
4. Cabbage Roll Man
As Ilaria notes in her video, this type of man is often a big hit with the ladies since although he looks all soft and innocent on the outside, thus making him easily approachable, get to know him and you’ll find a man with the appetite of a carnivore. Those looking for a genuinely soft and cuddly man may be slightly disappointed, but others will be thrilled to find that their man is much tougher than he first seemed.
5. Creamy Man
“Creamy” men purportedly have wonderful skin and are mild and gentle, but when it all kicks off he’ll come out fighting and show himself to be tough. Kind of like a vanilla latte with a sneaky shot of alcohol, perhaps? Ilaria mentions that these men seem a little too good to be true, a bit too much like a character from a manga, perhaps.
6. Cashmere Man
Nope, I’ve never heard of this one before either. Apparently, having a welcoming smile and “shiny hair” makes this kind of man akin to the kind of fine, soft wool you’d knit a sweater out of. He also has a surprisingly strong personality. Aside from the colour of his hair, is anyone else wondering what the difference between this kind of man and a “creamy” type is?
7. Soy Milk Man
Named after his love of the healthy, bean-milk beverage, Soy Milk Men purportedly have a lot of the same interests as women, making them easy for girls to talk to an identify with. As someone who also drinks a lot of soy milk and unashamedly goes for head spas once a month, I can’t help feeling this one could do with being renamed since despite ticking those two boxes, I’m nothing like the kind of Soy Milk Man described here. That being said, the reason I enjoy said head spas so much is less because of what it does for my hair and more to do with the fact that a pretty girl is massaging my scalp and neck for half an hour while I recline in a comfy chair, so perhaps I’m less of a “Soy Milk Man” and more of a “Dude Who Has a Soft Spot for Pretty Girls and Thinks Soy Milk Tastes Nice”…
8. Hyena Man
AKA that creep who mistakenly thinks he’s handsome and tries to hit on everyone in the bar. Hyena Men prey on easy targets because they lack the charm to actually attract women who aren’t vulnerable in some way. Never a name to be associated with, unless you’re auditioning to play the villain in a stage production or something.
9. The Fasting Man
The No Thank-You Man as he’s otherwise known isn’t even worth approaching if you’re looking for love. For whatever reason, he’s finished with love and romance, and he isn’t afraid to make that painfully clear from the start. There’s also a good chance he plays sad songs on his guitar and keeps a blog about how the world just doesn’t get it. Whatever it is.
10. The Otaku Man
Rounding the list off is the good ol’ otaku; the kind of guy who’s so into his hobby that he’s probably not even looking for love, but if he finds it he’s at least not likely to abandon it (unless, of course, it gets in the way of his beloved hobby). Otaku men are often considered to have bad dress-sense and be slightly immature, but they’re also kind and thoughtful, so it’s hard to be too judgemental of them. And, as we’ve seen, there’s a broad spectrum of otaku out there, so these guys probably deserve to have a little asterisk attached to the name of their category.
What do you make of this list? If you’re a guy, do you feel that you could be easily classified as one of these men? If you’re a girl or a gay guy, do you have a personal preference for one of these types? While we may not all agree with some of these distinctions, it is at least good to be armed with the lingo used in Japan to types of men. At least that way, the next time you’re described as a “cabbage roll” you’ll know not to be immediately offended.